If the liver could talk

They say, what is going here is beyond your wildest dreams. Therefore no need massive inspiration to write the Hangover’ script. Even if, so far – we never know- I have no friend who woke up with a tattoo on their face, I became sort of drunk hotline to my friends. Of course I will clean up my own backyard first, as my inner Katy Perry comes out of the closet once a month, especially this part  » we danced on table top then we take too many shots, I think we kissed but I forgot ». But still, I am the recorder of plenty of anecdotes. Lucky my friends who calls me contrary to the dumb author of those lines who, more than the tolerable rate, when she is drunk call a.the ex boyfriend, b.the sex friend, c.the-one-who-was-supposed-to-be-the-new-boyfriend-but-after-this-phone-call-will-revise-his-opinion, cause as we all know after too many bear beer we are eager to have sex even with a chair!
This is how, one of my friend called me from London in the middle of the night (I exaggerate cause it is well known people in England are drunk way before the middle of the night, thanks to the binge drinking tradition!) to inform me that she was drunk – i could have guessed it by the tone of your voice my dear- and threw out in her sink and it is know clogged. Well, I sympathise but right now I am 1000 miles away from you so it will be hard to help you to unblock your sink. She knew but she needed to share it with me « cause you know you are a very good friend, who can support me, who I love really really a much ». In addition of the stupid reason to call, in vino veritas, there is the love hidden declaration. You never love more the people than after a couple of glass. But dear gentleman readers, please but noted that sometimes when a drunk girl call you it is not because she is secretly in love with you but because she is in love with your roommate/brother/best friend and realised, despite her alcohol fulfilled veins that tomorrow she will wish she wouldn’t have made that call to the One. And with current blur mind she is having, she pictured you as a tool to reach the other one with saving her face.
About tomorrow we have to mention that sometimes, the-day-after call is even funnier than the on-the-spot one:
– allo?
– why the fuck do I have toys cars in my coat pockets and a bill of 2 champagnes bottles in my bag?
– No idea my dear..
– I assume I got drunk but why didn’t prevent me from doing stupid stuff.
– maybe not being with you last night is a quite good explanation?
– maybe….But you should always be with me in those situations. Now I am broke and I am wondering if I didn’t steal in a day care… And if I did so, what the fuck I was doing last night in a day care.
I don’t want to swear but a drunk or an hangover person is more rude than she normally is. This is how, a pretty young nice lady, end up in the middle of Piccadilly circus, London (definitely that girl and London are not a good match) asking to everyone « where is the fucking KFC? ». Another collateral damage from the over-drink is the alcohol monster starving in your stomach and begging for junk food. Make a test and you can see a lot of yellow eyes on Saturday at the Macdonald counter!
And last but not least is the joke made by the drunk people. This is how, thanks to the advice of the caring friend, I peed in London behind two cars. The day after my dear friend woke me up by laughing out loud. « you know what is the funniest thing happened last night? (my dear I have some ideas but I am not sure you remember all of them). It is not that I had never eaten in a KFC and I have no idea why I wanted one so hardly, but THAT I MADE YOU PEE IN LONDON STREETS WHERE THERE IS CCTV EVERYWHERE! » .
Do not never follow a drunk person unless you want to have plenty of funny stories to recall on your water days.
Of course this post is entirely fictional, all events and characters came from the imagination of the author. But if a one recognise herself she will be always welcome to call the drunk hotline.


Cette entrée a été publiée le 12 août 2012 à 2210 09. Elle est classée dans Vis ma vie de Dubaiote et taguée , , . Bookmarquez ce permalien. Suivre les commentaires de cet article par RSS.

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